Goodbye bittersweet 2019

It’s been months since the last time I posted here. I would always would like to jot down or update my space here so that I could reminisce the old times in details how my normal day(or impt. events) went by in the future. One reason was I can’t gather my thoughts into writing because I was just too sad. It’s quite unexplainable. Another thing, my 11 yr. old laptop gave up on me. I don’t want to buy a new one because it’s impractical. Back then I need it badly for my powerpoint presentations and all the word documents a teacher needs to accomplish to survive. Hehe. Third, the blogger app on my phone isn’t helpful either. Bugs on their app keep popping up every now and then. I’m typing now on my phone using the Safari’s desktop version.

Bahala na basta I want to document in details. Nakukulangan ako sa Instagram and FB. Sa IG mostly beautiful photos lang ang posts ko about my trips, nature, etc. Sa FB pag gusto ko mag-erase ng videos and photos on my phone to have more space, I update it but limited lang audience, because I don’t want to flood my 600+ ‘friends’ out there na wala naman paki masyado sa buhay ko. Iba pa rin dito sa online diary ko.

Anyway, I lost my Mom this year(she’s 77 yrs. old) unexpectedly. It is the most painful journey we had to went through in 2019. She was hospitalized for a month due to mild stroke and water on her lungs. On her last day(April24), I was the only one beside her. I always tell my siblings that it was like a ‘curse or a blessing’ because it was traumatic for me at the same time I had the privilege to attend to her during her dying moments. We(with my siblings most especially), are still grieving and constantly uplifting our spirits whenever we miss her. We all have our own coping mechanism. Basta andyan lang kami to support each other. My single sis who lives with my Mom is the most affected. Understandable naman kaya whenever she asks me to accompany her and I’m free, I readliy accept her invitation. My single brother naman who is fond of travelling, doon niya inaaliw ang sarili niya. He’s been to Batanes and a Euro trip(Paris, Amsterdam and Spain) this year. My youngest sis(married) naman is the cry baby amongst us. I guess madami din siyang guilt because she was not always present whenever we go out for a simple bonding like sa mall, Sunday eat outs and yung Boracay trip namin magkakapatid a month before our Mom’s unexpected death. 

We got to celebrate happy events din naman this year despite our “big loss’. I got to spend my 50th birthday in my dream destination without a hitch. Yung Mommy ko nasa ospital na noon, but she gave me a go signal still because knowing her as very selfless, sabi niya ituloy ko daw dahil pangarap ko yun. But I was hesistant at first. I made sure muna na ok ang vitals niya bago ko ituloy. Fortunately, during that week her condition was improving. Half-heartedly, we(with my husband) proceeded with the trip, but we were constantly updated by my siblings when I was in Tokyo.

Having no major illness among my immediate family, a cousin’s wedding, my son’s career, going on quick trips whenever we want to, smooth relationship within the fam(plus extended famiilies), having food on the table, are considered blessings that I’m still thankful kahit na medyo one of my loneliest years ang 2019. Overcoming this melancholic episodes is one of my major goals in 2020. 

40 days

Today is our beloved Mom’s 40th day after she went back to our Creator last April 24. We miss her terribly every day but we are slowly accepting the fact that we will never see her, hear her voice or touch her physically again. 

Nakaka-miss talaga. I wish as early as a teenager alam ko na my parents are my cheerleader  and the only persons that could give  me unconditional love. I’m very lucky that they gave their utmost love and sacrifices to provide us food to eat, comfortable home and education. Ang swerte namin magkakapatid dahil may napaka responsableng magulang meron kami. They even tried to give their support in their own extended families even with minimal resources. Mabait silang Kuya at Ate. I do confess I could never be that selfless like my parents. Kahit super strict sila sa amin(three girls and one boy) I’m grateful that they are my parents. It turned out na those values that they inculcated were vital to our own “adulting”.

my Mom gave me this plant from her garden a year ago yata.
surprisingly, this flower bloomed just this month only. 

If you have read my past posts, I usually visit my Mom on a Thursday. Naiisip ko lagi yun. Parang feeling ko mayroon akong nakalimutang gawin on a Thursday. And whenever I drop by, it is always a sure thing na may food akong iuuwi from her. 

We had a mass offered for Mom noontime and went to the nearest Shakey’s branch for our lunch afterwards. Usually, when we had gatherings like this, our Mom will pay for it. I told my husband, “wala na kaming financier”. But more than that yung feeling na para kaming orphans magkakapatid is beyond comprehension. Iba ang lungkot kapag nawalan ka ng magulang. If you have them still with you, hug them and do your utmost ability to show you honor and love them for raising, supporting and loving you unconditionally.

kindness matters

I confess I lack the effort in this department when it comes to connecting to others. Lalo na pag nasa hibernation period ako. Haha. Yes, I have a seasonal tendency to be scarce in terms of socialization. Lumalabas din talaga minsan my introvert side.

be happy NOW

Woah, the first quarter of the year is almost done!

Yesterday, I felt the need to blog and pour into writing what I've been thinking as of late. This could be what you may call 'birthday blues'(April is my birth month), but I'm not feeling blue at all.

funny memes again

Sharing what I saw today. May point. 

Australian Open 2018

True authority comes from God's love- today's homily in a nutshell

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Sunday's food blessing was like a sort of a miss because I was looking for Mussels(Tahong) and Galunggong in the market this morning but I failed. Instead...

Fried Tulingan + Swam o Tinolang Halaan

Verdict: Don't settle next time. Tahong and Galunggong are the best.

Happily imperfect

One of social media’s advantages nowadays is a person could create a “superstar status” even one isn't a celebrity. The bad effect here is  one ends up depending their social-esteem on likes or thumbs up, no. of shares and comments on whatever they post in their accounts. For those people who have low self-esteem, it doesn't help either. What would they come up our posts that would give them a good impression on whoever their audience is even if it screams superficial. They wouldn't mind that because the adulation feeds their ego. 'Peer pressure' has transformed into something bigger in this era.

the high road

As I was scanning my FB timeline this morning, I was surprised to see a High school classmate post- a pic of a girl she labeled as home wrecker. She did this to serve as a warning. I understand her hate and anguish being a wife and Mom also. Some people really crosses the line-mapa lalaki yan o babae. I prayed that she'll have proper discernment and support that she'll need during this times.

Election 2016

If I could have my way, I want the elections to be done already. Aside from their supporters, I find the bickerings and mudslinging of candidates with their opponents so stressful na. House of Cards(US tv series that deals with politics) is one of my fave shows and I can see na parang it's becoming a reality here as I watch the news or read headlines, articles from Twitter. When I opened my FB(I'm bored that's why) the other day, mas malala pa pala.

truth

What you see isn't what you get sometimes...

pic from Twitter

I'm speaking for myself. :)

be classy

Being classy is a culmination of being yourself, being positive, and doing good in all the places you can by all the means you can. Clothes, hair, music, film....none of these things a classy person make.     -- Unknown

my peg of a classy woman,  Audrey Hepburn

There is more to being classy than simply being stylish and confident. Being classy means always being kind, respectful and polite, even to those who are unkind to you.     -- Unknown

Being classy isn't a choice. Its a lifestyle.     -- Unknown

stay happy

Magkakasakit ka lang kapag negative lang ang nasa isip mo. Eliminate or lessen those stressors in your life. Mas masarap maging masaya. Stay positive. 

Stay classy

Now that we think everything is Instagrammable or FB worthy...

from Fashion and Style Twitter account

How not to spend much for an event

For girls/women only

Sometimes the worry in showing up in a party or an event are the preparations that goes with it, lalo na for an anti-social like me. Nakakatamad. Plus, the thought of spending is impractical most of the time since it's just for a few hours of socializing and you have to spend for everything from head to toe. At my previous alumni homecoming, I successfully pulled it through.

Here are some of my budget moves:

on coping

This has been the theme of the day. My son didn't go to work today since he's been suffering from allergic rhinitis. I told him it isn't unusual to catch a cold when one is working too hard. He went to work  last Independence day, which was a national holiday and last Saturday for overtime. I told him to relax a bit today and get some rest. 

Blog mode on

With how poor internet services in the Philippines, sometimes I can't also fathom why I still keep on blogging. You will really need buckets of patience just to 'afford' this hobby. To others, it's a profitable profession. Nauso na yung collaborations with sponsors. Ok lang yun. Basta malinis na pagkakakitaan.

Carry your bag

I've been seeing this kind of situation in a lot of places- malls, church, streets, parks etc. The boyfriend or hubby is tasked to bring her girlfriend's or wife's bag. I dunno with you, but I can't help but cringe most of the time. 

why I love blogging

My first love. Although, I gave birth to my first site because I was depressed or in the lowest point of my life, it helped me tremendously in not just coping but I was able to survived those hard times eventually. In the past, I came up with at least three sites, count na natin ang Multiply.

Shake my head

I can't help but be amused with people nowadays. In this age of instagram and facebook, a lot seems to enjoy this instant celebrity status in social media. Noon ang tawag doon KSP lang, kulang sa pansin. Ngayon, kapag marami kang followers or likes, feeling sikat ka. Don't get me wrong. Natutuwa din ako kapag maraming nakaka-appreciate sa pictures ko, but I definitely don't dwell on that. I don't post pics just to gain popularity or to impress people. Bad yun. I'm talking about people who goes overboard. They tend to lose their true sense of self. 

Fifth Avenue

April 22, 2015

I was praying for a miracle that my phone won't die any soon. For some, napakaliit na bagay. But for me, it's a source of stress. Remember, stress is the usual source of an illness kaya it needs attention on my part. I bought this  from my own savings last 2013 for p34,000+ for the first time. I don't buy gadgets. My husband buys it for me. In my opinion, it's not a good investment and I would rather buy jewelry which appreciates in time. Or something for my kitchen which would make me one happy cook/baker. Sobrang nanghihinayang ako.