Goodbye bittersweet 2019

It’s been months since the last time I posted here. I would always would like to jot down or update my space here so that I could reminisce the old times in details how my normal day(or impt. events) went by in the future. One reason was I can’t gather my thoughts into writing because I was just too sad. It’s quite unexplainable. Another thing, my 11 yr. old laptop gave up on me. I don’t want to buy a new one because it’s impractical. Back then I need it badly for my powerpoint presentations and all the word documents a teacher needs to accomplish to survive. Hehe. Third, the blogger app on my phone isn’t helpful either. Bugs on their app keep popping up every now and then. I’m typing now on my phone using the Safari’s desktop version.

Bahala na basta I want to document in details. Nakukulangan ako sa Instagram and FB. Sa IG mostly beautiful photos lang ang posts ko about my trips, nature, etc. Sa FB pag gusto ko mag-erase ng videos and photos on my phone to have more space, I update it but limited lang audience, because I don’t want to flood my 600+ ‘friends’ out there na wala naman paki masyado sa buhay ko. Iba pa rin dito sa online diary ko.

Anyway, I lost my Mom this year(she’s 77 yrs. old) unexpectedly. It is the most painful journey we had to went through in 2019. She was hospitalized for a month due to mild stroke and water on her lungs. On her last day(April24), I was the only one beside her. I always tell my siblings that it was like a ‘curse or a blessing’ because it was traumatic for me at the same time I had the privilege to attend to her during her dying moments. We(with my siblings most especially), are still grieving and constantly uplifting our spirits whenever we miss her. We all have our own coping mechanism. Basta andyan lang kami to support each other. My single sis who lives with my Mom is the most affected. Understandable naman kaya whenever she asks me to accompany her and I’m free, I readliy accept her invitation. My single brother naman who is fond of travelling, doon niya inaaliw ang sarili niya. He’s been to Batanes and a Euro trip(Paris, Amsterdam and Spain) this year. My youngest sis(married) naman is the cry baby amongst us. I guess madami din siyang guilt because she was not always present whenever we go out for a simple bonding like sa mall, Sunday eat outs and yung Boracay trip namin magkakapatid a month before our Mom’s unexpected death. 

We got to celebrate happy events din naman this year despite our “big loss’. I got to spend my 50th birthday in my dream destination without a hitch. Yung Mommy ko nasa ospital na noon, but she gave me a go signal still because knowing her as very selfless, sabi niya ituloy ko daw dahil pangarap ko yun. But I was hesistant at first. I made sure muna na ok ang vitals niya bago ko ituloy. Fortunately, during that week her condition was improving. Half-heartedly, we(with my husband) proceeded with the trip, but we were constantly updated by my siblings when I was in Tokyo.

Having no major illness among my immediate family, a cousin’s wedding, my son’s career, going on quick trips whenever we want to, smooth relationship within the fam(plus extended famiilies), having food on the table, are considered blessings that I’m still thankful kahit na medyo one of my loneliest years ang 2019. Overcoming this melancholic episodes is one of my major goals in 2020. 

Weekender: Cavite roadtrip

After a few months of hiatus from travels(my last was Tokyo in April), we managed to have a quick visit to the province of Cavite this week. We needed to go to a wake in Manila Memorial Park in Dasmarinas, where a sister of my husband's friend died due to breast cancer at the young age of thirty-five. We also planned to visit a longtime friend's cafe. It was hitting two birds in one stone kinda day.

40 days

Today is our beloved Mom’s 40th day after she went back to our Creator last April 24. We miss her terribly every day but we are slowly accepting the fact that we will never see her, hear her voice or touch her physically again. 

Nakaka-miss talaga. I wish as early as a teenager alam ko na my parents are my cheerleader  and the only persons that could give  me unconditional love. I’m very lucky that they gave their utmost love and sacrifices to provide us food to eat, comfortable home and education. Ang swerte namin magkakapatid dahil may napaka responsableng magulang meron kami. They even tried to give their support in their own extended families even with minimal resources. Mabait silang Kuya at Ate. I do confess I could never be that selfless like my parents. Kahit super strict sila sa amin(three girls and one boy) I’m grateful that they are my parents. It turned out na those values that they inculcated were vital to our own “adulting”.

my Mom gave me this plant from her garden a year ago yata.
surprisingly, this flower bloomed just this month only. 

If you have read my past posts, I usually visit my Mom on a Thursday. Naiisip ko lagi yun. Parang feeling ko mayroon akong nakalimutang gawin on a Thursday. And whenever I drop by, it is always a sure thing na may food akong iuuwi from her. 

We had a mass offered for Mom noontime and went to the nearest Shakey’s branch for our lunch afterwards. Usually, when we had gatherings like this, our Mom will pay for it. I told my husband, “wala na kaming financier”. But more than that yung feeling na para kaming orphans magkakapatid is beyond comprehension. Iba ang lungkot kapag nawalan ka ng magulang. If you have them still with you, hug them and do your utmost ability to show you honor and love them for raising, supporting and loving you unconditionally.

Bear with me

I have almost three months worth of blog posts/thoughts.  But, how to ‘write’ again?

I’ve been meaning to post about our Boracay trip, my Mom’s hospitaization and eventually her demise, my Tokyo, Japan trip for my 50th birthday, my grief journey and everything in between.

Ironically, the first quarter of this year was very eventful but I’m loss for words to put it into writing. Life is a mystery indeed.

Sunday shopping and Cafe Via Mare

As I've mentioned in this post, one of my goals this year is to have more bonding time with my Mom. She is 77 years old and still healthy but we all know what old age means. I lost my Daddy almost ten years ago to Liver cancer after four months of going in and out of the hospital and up to this day we all miss him so much. The void that he left in our lives is irreplaceable. That was an eye opener for all of us. Life is short, we should live our lives not only to be happy, but with meaning or purpose. Life becomes meaningful when we give a part of ourselves, be it tender loving care or our precious time to others.

Weekender 05: Procastination ends + Pleasant surprise

Last week was quite eventful. It started with my long overdue dental prophylaxis last Monday. Looking back, I'm glad I stopped procastinating about it because I went to the clinic just in time I needed one. Nasermunan ako ng doctor slash brother in law ko. Haha. I saved a lot of money just because I decided to came by. It caused me a few sleepless nights, actually.

antibiotic for one week

Intermittent Fasting conclusion

I attended another zumba session on Wednesday, again struggling with just water, coffee, banana and three spoonfuls of shredded sweet corn. Parang nabubusog agad ako. One thing I observed from this fasting was it curbed my appetite. Hindi ko na na-eenjoy kumain. Ang sad di ba?

Weekender 04: Australian Open 2019 and Intermittent Fasting

I’ve been watching the Australian Open for almost two weeks now . It’s not a secret that tennis is my spectator sport. Mas gusto ko siya panoorin instead of actually playing it since the late 90’s. I like that a few young and very good ones are emerging like Naomi Osaka, Nikki Kyrgios and Stef Tsitsipas. But they have to wait, my faves are still reigning~ Novak Djokovic, Rafa Nadal and Roger Federer. Their time will come.

Stefano Tsitsipas

At the Men's single finals yesterday, Novak Djokovic emerged as the champion. It was his seventh. As much as I love Nadal, si Novak ang manok ko. It feels good that he's back on being World no. 1 after suffering from an injury and a surgery last year. In the women's division, 20 year old Naomi Osaka of Japan bagged the trophy.

Rafa Nadal and Novak Djokovic (ctto)

Weekender 03: Seafood and Ribs Warehouse, Coco and Mom's health

Getting back to my exercise routine(at least 3-4x a week) was one of my agendas last week. I went last Wednesday for a workout but after completing my first 30 minutes on the elliptical machine, I got bored. On a regular day, I would gladly do it for an hour. I decided to join the zumba class instead which was about to start. I didn’t realize I miss dancing that much. I really had fun. It’s been two months since I stopped attending the zumba classes. In exchange, I was diligently working out pre-Christmas with pigging out during the holidays as my motivation. Haha.

My husband fetch me afterwards. We tried visiting SM North Edsa’s newest building, the North Towers for a change.

Super Blood wolf moon

Being a "look at the moon" kind of person, I didn't realize I took a shot of this lunar phenomenon Sunday night while I was out in our garden. Wala nagandahan lang talaga ako sa kanya. In my mind, it was incredibly huge for a full moon, so I took my phone and captured the moment. My intention was to put it in my IG story but I forgot. Sa twitter ko na lang nalaman about it. Funny.

Scoliosis and Yoga

I can’t remember if I mentioned here already that I have mild scoliosis. This is one reason why exercise has been part of my lifestyle since my 20’s. It won’t be cured but through proper exercise, I get to strengthen my bones and prevent getting Osteoporosis in the future. 

Stretching one’s body properly is one major concern. I learned that I cant do na pala some Yoga poses because of my scoliosis. 

These poses are advisable and can be done pre and post exercise...

More about Scoliosis and Yoga in these article...

Weekender 02: de-Christmastified, Mom's health and some shopping

Is there ever a word "de-Christmastify"? Well, I just invented it. :D

One word that will describe my Monday last week. I finally had the courage to undress my tree and washed it. Everything that will remind us of Christmas is already tucked away in their respective boxes and cabinets.

Weekender 01: new year meet up and new specs

One of my best friends asked me last Christmas thru messenger if we could meet up on January 6 for some catch up.  I don't usually go out on weekends to avoid the crowd, but twice a year lang kami magkita, plus my son was in Baguio for the weekend, so I agreed. I'm her daughter's Ninang and we usually do this after Christmas for lunch out and gift giving. This was also my signal to dye my hair(last time was five months?) after days of procastination. I'm really too lazy to head to the salon. So I did it myself with a little help from my husband who was unwilling initially. Haha.

2019 goals

Last year, my prime goal was to save up. Medyo nag-fail ako doon. I intend to outdo it this year. I was able to save up but unfortunately, I didn't reach my expectations. My goal to continue with my fit lifestyle was reached but not as good as my statistics last 2017.

For 2019, I want to accomplish the following with flying colors...

* save, save, save!

* travel to a dream destination on my 50th. locally, to a beach destination I've never been to

* post regularly here on my blog(weekenders, not daily para mas achievable)

* buy a dining table or a lazy boy

* follow religiously a healthy diet

* more bonding with my Mom

* to be more tolerant with my husband and son
* be kind to myself(ok lang hindi perfect at times)

* attend a formal cooking/baking class

* minimize shopping for teacups, tableware :D

New Year 2019

This year's celebration was a bit gloomy. Raining incessantly days before the last day of 2018 dampened my spirit.  Akala ko Christmas lang uulan pero due to typhoon Usman, pati rin pala New Year. I think this would be the first time that we'll celebrate it with rain pouring outside. So paano na ang fireworks? It will be a boring New Year's eve, I thought.