It’s been months since the last time I posted here. I would always would like to jot down or update my space here so that I could reminisce the old times in details how my normal day(or impt. events) went by in the future. One reason was I can’t gather my thoughts into writing because I was just too sad. It’s quite unexplainable. Another thing, my 11 yr. old laptop gave up on me. I don’t want to buy a new one because it’s impractical. Back then I need it badly for my powerpoint presentations and all the word documents a teacher needs to accomplish to survive. Hehe. Third, the blogger app on my phone isn’t helpful either. Bugs on their app keep popping up every now and then. I’m typing now on my phone using the Safari’s desktop version.
Bahala na basta I want to document in details. Nakukulangan ako sa Instagram and FB. Sa IG mostly beautiful photos lang ang posts ko about my trips, nature, etc. Sa FB pag gusto ko mag-erase ng videos and photos on my phone to have more space, I update it but limited lang audience, because I don’t want to flood my 600+ ‘friends’ out there na wala naman paki masyado sa buhay ko. Iba pa rin dito sa online diary ko.
Anyway, I lost my Mom this year(she’s 77 yrs. old) unexpectedly. It is the most painful journey we had to went through in 2019. She was hospitalized for a month due to mild stroke and water on her lungs. On her last day(April24), I was the only one beside her. I always tell my siblings that it was like a ‘curse or a blessing’ because it was traumatic for me at the same time I had the privilege to attend to her during her dying moments. We(with my siblings most especially), are still grieving and constantly uplifting our spirits whenever we miss her. We all have our own coping mechanism. Basta andyan lang kami to support each other. My single sis who lives with my Mom is the most affected. Understandable naman kaya whenever she asks me to accompany her and I’m free, I readliy accept her invitation. My single brother naman who is fond of travelling, doon niya inaaliw ang sarili niya. He’s been to Batanes and a Euro trip(Paris, Amsterdam and Spain) this year. My youngest sis(married) naman is the cry baby amongst us. I guess madami din siyang guilt because she was not always present whenever we go out for a simple bonding like sa mall, Sunday eat outs and yung Boracay trip namin magkakapatid a month before our Mom’s unexpected death.
We got to celebrate happy events din naman this year despite our “big loss’. I got to spend my 50th birthday in my dream destination without a hitch. Yung Mommy ko nasa ospital na noon, but she gave me a go signal still because knowing her as very selfless, sabi niya ituloy ko daw dahil pangarap ko yun. But I was hesistant at first. I made sure muna na ok ang vitals niya bago ko ituloy. Fortunately, during that week her condition was improving. Half-heartedly, we(with my husband) proceeded with the trip, but we were constantly updated by my siblings when I was in Tokyo.
Having no major illness among my immediate family, a cousin’s wedding, my son’s career, going on quick trips whenever we want to, smooth relationship within the fam(plus extended famiilies), having food on the table, are considered blessings that I’m still thankful kahit na medyo one of my loneliest years ang 2019. Overcoming this melancholic episodes is one of my major goals in 2020.
